In light of recent events and developments in my family, here are some things that I have been reflecting on. First, I think Allah (swt) for giving me the foundation of Islam, because  without the foundation of Islam, people are lost. Just look at the relationships of the kuffar and you will see how true this is. Second, I pray that Allah ta’ala guides my family members to Islam, because man will never be happy or fulfilled in life until he’s fulfilling the commands of His Creator. Third, for those people who share the characteristics described by the Prophet (saws) and the author below, may Allah (swt) either guide them to Islam or bring a severe punishment down upon them. Ameen.

The Prophet (sallahu ‘alayhi wa salaam) on Divorce

“If a women asks her husband for a divorce, for no reason, then the smell of paradise is forbidden for her”. (at-Tirmidhi)

“The lawful thing which Allah hates most is divorce.” (al-Hakim)

Dr. Laura on Relationships in Today’s World
      Our children believe that relationships are not for them to cherish, but, as slaves, to serve them; and when the relationship just doesn’t “feel good” anymore - move on. (A thank you to their parents who leave “to find themselves” or for “true happiness” - generally in somebody else’s undershorts.
      Our children believe that children are not very important. If they were, why would parents leave, marry someone else, make new children, and not see them anymore? If the children were important, why would their mommy and daddy only see them just before bedtime? If they were important, how come they don’t even know how their daddy is?
      Our children don’t know what they’re supposed to do with respect to being a man or a woman, a husband or a wife, a mother or a father. There are no definitions and no scripts; not for healthy behaviors anyway. There is hostility to anything masculine and there is victimization mentality about anything feminine; no one really needs to be married; parents are replaceable by hired help and technology.
      Our children don’t know how to face a future with all these uncertainties and chaos typifying our society. The focal point for the current confusion, resentment, and stupid behaviors of people today in their relationships with the opposite sex are the new norms, which are devastating…
      Commitment is dependent upon your current feelings or circumstances.
      I think we’ve lived and played with these notions long enough to determine whether or not this experiment is a success or a failure. Results are in. This experiment is a failure.

Dr. Laura on Stupid Breakups…
     Don’t lie to yourself or anyone else. When you feel like it’s time to get going, stay put and face whatever it is that worries or frightens you.
     Truly, you find yourself in your commitments; you find yourself in the eyes of people who depend on you; you find yourself in your noble responses to life’s challenges; you find yourself in your actions and decisions; you find yourself right where you are now.

     And so, after generation after generation in my family has toughed it out, it seems that the legacy is over. Marriage is hard work; I have seen that in my own marriage day in and day out. It’s not easy to have to live with and get along with someone who you barely knew prior to marriage. It’s not easyto get used to one another’s habits, likes and dislikes, family and cultural expectations, and having to see each other day in and day out when life gets a little well, frankly, boring. It’s not easy that right now I’m separated from my husband and facing the reality of having my first child without him here. But what I have found in my marriage, is that without our commitment to Islam and the values and principles which brought us together in the first place, we could have thrown in the towel after a couple months. But there’s a reason why in the last six months or more the good times have far outnumbered the bad times; the fights have been insignificant and few and far between; and when we talk thousands of miles away, I feel like I’m talking to my best friend. It’s because we both made a conscious decision to put the effort into our marriage that it takes to make a marriage work. And because of that seed we planted, we are now, though thousands of miles apart, reaping the benefits and rewards of that seed. (I pray that Allah ta’ala keeps our marriage and commitment to each other and Islam strong and grants us children from among the saliheen, ameen.) But, every couple has to make that a conscious decision for themselves. To not make that decision, will ultimately result in devastation.
     I have seen the manifestation of that decision in my grandparent’s who got married at 16 and 18 respectively and have now been married 55 years. I have seen that decision in my own parents who have had major problems, but underwent counseling and separation and ultimately made the decision to make it work. I have a strong legacy in my family of making marriage work, and I knew I would always be devastated to see that legacy broken. It seems that legacy has been broken today. And while I curse the kaafira who is too proud to make the decision to do the hard work, I pray that this is a means of planting new and more prosperous seeds, which will eventually lead members of my family to Islam.

I pray that Allah ta’ala guides them and also gives my heart peace with this outcome, as difficult a pill as it may be for me (and others) to swallow. Ameen.